Nothing queerer than people and no one queerer than queers, since it seems to me empty flattery and agenda-laced praises are more popular with people. I guess I haven’t been making myself entirely likable because this whole mess could have been avoided if I just emulated a fraction of UF’s 做作 ways, but at least I’m not pretentious like that.

So meaningless, this type of distaste, and I never wanted things to become so ugly. Just making myself look bad when I haven’t really done anything wrong initially, so short of an apology which I’m reserving for R and I think you should have one too, I am retracting my previous few angry, mean tirades.

Life’s too short and homophobes too many for wasteful anger like that.

Nevertheless I suppose blogging about things like how I find it amusingly cute that my “employee” gave me mandarin oranges for New Year can be done more often so I don’t forget what happened in my life with this poor memory of mine.

Sleaziest sentence in the whole wide world: “抓到你了！”

When I was 21 years old, I -

• ORDed from the army
• Took a job that paid less than $4 an hour
• Got rejected from all three local universities
• Took a job that paid $8 an hour
• Came out to my parents
• Got contracted as a financial planner and became officially self-employed
• Bought my own life insurance
• Fell in love with Thai because of The Love of Siam
• Got my first, own non-Apple computer
• Got my first 5-figure pay cheque
• Won a company award
• Became “boss” of 3 part-timers

And now, 22 is the age life really begins!

I’m at peace with myself now.

There are a few rules I shall observe. I shall not spend any dollar coins that come into my possession, and will store them all in a jar at home at the end of each day. Next, I will attempt to receive change in $1 coins where reasonable. Finally, I shall drop a $2 note into the jar should there be no $1 coins to be deposited.

I think this should generate some $40-$80 every month, more than enough to cover certain monthly expenses such as transport costs, phone bills or smaller insurance policies.

More importantly I think it will stem my spending in petty expenditures. Small change are very easily spent without much thought, but can add up quite significantly in the long run. Ultimately this will give me a more conscious effort to reduce my spending on wants and result in a pool of money every month that I can focus towards different needs.

So far I have found this quite a fun thing to do, and it’s nice to see the pile grow. It stands now at $8.

A king and one of his trusted generals often go on hunting trips, and on one occasion the king lost his little finger to a particularly ferocious beast he was chasing after. Back in the palace as imperial doctors panicked to dress the wound, the king moaned in agony and complained to his general about the pain. The general, however, said uninterestedly in Chinese (I assume they were from China because the story was in Chinese): “凡事发生必有其目的，并有助於我。”

The king was irritated and chided the general for trivializing his injury, and the general just repeated his sentence again, “Anything that happens must have its purpose, and will be of aid to me.” Livid with anger, the king had his men throw this general into the prisons.

Weeks later, disgruntled with the beast that severed a digit from his hand, he stormed off to track the animal alone without his usual hunting partner. Unfortunately for him, he came across a tribe of cannibals and was captured to be their sacrificial offering for their god. Scared out of his wits, the king was filled with relief and surprise when he was suddenly released. Apparently the cannibals have decided that he was not a suitable offering as he had a body part missing, and it was only blasphemous for them to offer such an imperfect human to their meat-eating god.

Finally understanding what his general meant, he quickly released him from prison, only to be surprised at the general’s lack of anger. When asked why he didn’t resent him, the general, like a broken record, repeated the sentence again and explained, “If I hadn’t be thrown into prison, I would have gone hunting with you and became their offering instead.”

An interesting story, I thought, which my mum used to talk about my A Levels results.

She told me that the most important thing that I should have, above knowledge or salesmanship, is the care I have for others. It is the concern you have for others that will tide you through your work, she told me, and it is only when you have no more care for others would you stop. This is the very same reason why she left the industry.

My dad was diagnosed with cancer in 1994, when I was merely six and I wasn’t told about it. I wouldn’t have understood why daddy needed to go to some hospital place to fight this thing called cancer, so it was more convenient for them to just say that he went away for work. Anyway, it was a trying period for the both of them, and my mum just came to the realization that she couldn’t care for others, not when she had to care for her husband, her in-laws and her two clueless kids. She lost her ability to care for others, especially when these people eye you with suspicion and cynicism. No, she had to reserve her concern for her family who needed her, and she quit.

Just when I thought I was getting sick of meaning well for others, my mum’s story made me realize what I face is only so trivial. What of the girl I met a few days ago whom I tried to sell a hospital plan which earns me a pittance, but will be very beneficial for her in light of the rising healthcare costs? She is not privileged enough, my mum replied. Some people just do not get it, and we just have to move on to someone else who does.

When I first joined this industry, my mum was very encouraging. She knew that I will learn a lot, and I feel that I certainly have. My dismal A Levels grades definitely disappointed her, but she didn’t force her expectations upon me. She told me that everything’s a blessing in disguise and I wouldn’t be in this line if I had done well for my A Levels.

Talking to her made me feel much better. If there’s anything I’ve learnt these few months, it would be that human relationships are so precious, not to mention one’s own family. I love my parents, as do most of us do. Which is why I have made sure that if anything untoward happens to me, they would still be able to retire and need not sell the house for my medical bills, and would be duly taken care off should I pass away. If nothing happens to me, I would have money for my own retirement. It’s as simple as collecting my daily shillings in a little box, but some people don’t care. Are they not filial? Personally I think I am running out of care for them.

Let me know if you have any problems.

First, I must apologize for being rude. You must understand that it is very frustrating for me to be outside working 14 hours a day trying to convince people of the importance of insurance and savings. A lot of people do not get it, but we of all people must. I don’t care as much if other people don’t understand, because it is their own problem if they run into financial ruin.

We are very lucky to have wonderful parents like mummy and daddy. They have showered us with whatever they can provide, and we have always been better off than most people who are not so lucky. Our parents did not get all of these by luck. We managed to stay relatively well off because mummy and daddy have always been very careful in their finances.

Ah Gong and Ah Ma incurred huge amounts of hospital bills that were paid for by insurance. Daddy’s operation back then was also paid by insurance. Our education fees are funded by the money our parents saved for since decades ago. But mummy can’t pay for everything herself, and so now it is time to repay them in whatever small way we can. She is willing to pay for you now so that our family can be protected from huge medical bills that may bankrupt us.

In future, you will also reap the returns of the policies. Your very own children will depend on you for money much like how we depended on mummy and daddy. You will want them to be protected from huge medical expenses. Hopefully you and I will become as great as our parents are to our own children.

I am taking up the exact policies. We have been having it easy all these years, and I hope you understand where I am coming from.

弟弟